Well, here's what happened: I made my way to each of the judges' quarters in the Olympic Village with cash in hand. Up until I got to the final judge—the Finnish judge—ALL of them happily accepted the envelope full of cash I had for them. But to my horror, the Finnish judge required, ehh, not just money, but that I DO certain things. This was especially horrifying to me given the fact that she had the face of a hobgoblin, and she had the body of, umm, well, a hobgoblin. Okay, now that I think of it, I'm pretty sure she was a hobgoblin. At any rate, several hours later, after I finished doing her shameful bidding, she pointed to the door and told me I could go. As I was walking out the door, though, she flashed a devilish smile at me and said, "Ya know, all of these events are either timed or measured. NONE of them are judged. Bwahahahaaa". With that, I burst into tears and ran away crying like a little girl. To my surprise, though, I later found that the score RECORDS had been hacked, and that somebody had given me enough points to possibly get a bronze. I want to believe it was my little hobgoblin lover, but I don't know. Either way, although it won't get me on a box of Wheaties, it may be just enough for me to snag a spot on some off-brand box of crapola, which could help me to recoup some of what I lost on my fool's errand.